hugs – Becoming Extraordinary

So I spent over an hour on the phone today to learn that because of a misunderstanding/delay in something regarding my health insurance, I am out thousands of dollars. The details don’t matter (and yes I am appealing.) The point is I was upset. Very upset, actually.

My plan after the phone call had been to get groceries and do the mile walk I’ve recently committed to. Thought about not bothering, but the adult in my head insisted I go.

Five minutes into the walk, I realize I forgot my water bottle. Shit ….. This day keeps getting worse. I can’t walk without my water bottle. Water makes everything better. In fact, there is probably no problem that cannot be improved by a drink of water.

This thought sends my mind spinning off onto all the lists I read on other peoples blogs. 10 ways to make your hair behave. 14 things you cannot live without.

So? What are other things that improve almost any bad situation. Well, a short walk. Like the one I’m taking. Preferably in a beautiful place, like the lake I happen to be walking around. Oh look. There are baby ducks over there. A walk around a lake with baby ducks? Yeah. That improves anything.

So does a deep breath. In on a count of 8. Hold. Out on a count a 8. A couple of more. I’m feeling better now. I smile. An oncoming jogger smiles back. Yes, a friendly smile helps anything. So does a hug.

I’m back at my car now and glad I came. Of the five things I thought of to make any situation better, I’ve just had three of them. Really, the lack of water is my own fault. And the hug, well, it would have been kind of weird given I didn’t see anyone I knew.

I drive home ready to handle the evening. My husband greets me at the door.

“You look like you could use a hug,” he says. This day just keeps getting better.

I’m once again in Costa Rica, experiencing a week of mountain views, fresh food, water and air, and a recharge of the qigong practice that I began a year ago. The week has gone well, and I feel isolated from the troubles of the everyday world. On this last day, our sifu, or teacher, has chosen to focus on spiritual qualities such as gratitude and forgiveness.

Gratitude goes well, but forgiveness hits a glitch. Not everyone defines the word the same. To some it includes an element of reconciliation, forgetting or moving on and several of us agree that defined that way, some acts are unforgivable. We get into a discussion about the meaning of the word, and several well meaning people pull in child molesters, sexual predators, genocide in Africa and, of course, Hitler. I find the images disturbing and enter the next exercise with a churning mind.

Others have been harder hit than me. Two women in the group who identify strongly with their fellow Jews are angry and disappointed at having been pulled into the forgive Hitler discussion. Their reaction is not to be taken lightly. One fled Europe as a child at the start of World War Two, and still bears scars the rest of us do not comprehend. The other has been following the news and is dismayed by an out pouring of hatred in Europe that most of us did not even know was happening.

There are tears and harsh words. Our teacher was using examples he has used dozens of times, meaning no ill will, only trying to make his point. An angry student jumps in to defend him. Stances turn from gentle to hostile. His wife tries to offer an olive branch of no harm intended. A student from Mexico offers understanding. There are examples from the drug wars that would have been just as difficult for him he says. The positions soften just a little.

“Can I have a hug?” Sifu asks the woman who has expressed most of the anger. She hesitates, then stands a little stiffly and lets him hug her. “Hugs all around’ someone says and pretty soon everyone in the circle is hugging every one else, one by one. Eyes meet. Skin touches.Words of understanding are muttered quietly, person to person, until all is soft again.

Nothing we can do will dent the pain that these two women carry, and no one in the group is naive enough to think so. But we have diffused our own little crisis of understanding, and will at least all part with mutual appreciation for each other.

It works for twenty or so people at a mountain retreat. It would never work in the harshness of real life, of course, filled with all of its deep wounds and long-standing fears. Or would it?

For more on my own personal story of my Costa Rica qigong experiences please see
1. Embracing the Yin in Costa Rica,
2. Breathing Deeply in Costa Rica
3. Many Paths in Costa Rica and
4. Animal Play in Costa Rica

If you would like to know more about qigong, please visit Flowing Zen.
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